Okay...I'm finally done with it all...I'll start from the beginning...
In September of 1999, I started dating Craig. In February of 2000, I was scheduled to have my tubes tied because we didn't want any more kids. He had a son with his ex-wife. Soon after, we found out that he had a daughter from a previous relationship. And I had 2 daughters from my first marriage. When I went in for my pre-surgical testing, I found out I was pregnant with twins. Thus, Kaitlyn was born in August 2000. My only son (her twin brother) died in utero. Craig and I had never lived together but, were talking about sharing our lives together. Soon after Kaitlyn was born I found out that he was in a relationship with another woman for the past 6 months. I instantly broke things off with him and went about my marry little life as a single mother of 3 daughters.
During this very short relationship, my first husband was fighting me tooth and nail to get my daughters away from me. It got to the point that he even kidnapped them and took them to Florida and filed for custody of them in Florida. I was in and out of court fighting to keep my children until I was eventually awarded sole custody and he was afforded limited visitation. About a year after Craig and I split up he called me out of the blue and begged if he could come live with me because the Sheriff had just served him with paperwork...they were repossessing his mobile home and I had an extra bedroom in my house. I very reluctantly, allowed him to move in and since he wasn't paying child support to me, I made him pay rent.
One thing led to another and we did get back together. It was hard to explain...I can come up with a million excuses but none make any sense. I think it was a mixture of loneliness and all the fighting I was doing with my first husband but whatever, it still happened. In January 2003, a judge told us that either he had to leave or I stood a chance of losing my children because my ex husband didn't want him living there with "his" children. We were married in February 2003. We bought a house in 2006. It hasn't ever been easy. As a matter of fact, he has been financially devastated the whole time we have been together. He's been paying out child support for 2 kids since we've been together and has only been contributing very little towards our household and our child. Which means, basically, I have been taking care of things the whole time we've been together. And my first husband NEVER paid child support. That's a lot to deal with and it would be easier if he would show some appreciation.
In January 2007, my first husband passed away and the quartly court appearances finally stopped. Which meant basically, Craig and I didn't need to be married anymore. That is a terrible thing to say but, that was the first thing that came into my head. So after being angry and resentful for a little bit longer, in August 2009 we seperated. We agreed to live together until Christmas and I bought him a truck so he wouldn't have anymore excuses. He didn't actually leave until February 2010. He was forced to go out and get a good job so he could afford to be on his own. He went and lived with his brother and didn't call me for a month. Then suddenly, he started calling me and begging me to come home because he had come to his senses and realized all that I did do. And stupid me let him come back...I have given all that I can. There is nothing left of me to give. He made all these promises about how things would change.
This isn't just about the finances. It's about the fact that I work a full time job, I cook, clean, do the dishes, take care of the kids, do all the shopping, drive the kids to and from school every day, pay all the bills, do the budget, wash, dry and fold all the laundry, cut the grass, take care of the dogs, and I'm sure I could add a few more things to this list that even I take for granted. All I have required of him is to take care of the trash. That's IT! When he moved back in in April 2010...NOTHING CHANGED. I still do all of these things!
His son graduated in June of 2011 and I figured that since he got a full ride to Clemson our finances would change. Well he is no longer obligated to pay "child" support to his son since he is an "adult" however, he still "wants" to pay for his son. Fuck me and all I have done over the years to help him pay for his children. At one time he fell behind on his support for 6 months and I helped him pay it. All the while, I didn't get anything from him to take care of our daughter. And now he wants to continue to take care of his grown son. I know I'm starting to sound really angry because I am! Ya know in all the years we've been together (12) he has never told me he was "in love with me." NEVER. He's told me he loves me but never "in love." He has never bought me flowers or any special gifts or done anything to make me feel special. I know I'm not special in any way but he could've tried to make me feel that way. In the very beginning he used to tell me I was beautiful but he doesn't ever do that anymore. I know I have become a very ugly person on the inside and outside because of all of the resentment that I have built up inside of me. I am angry all the time and I can't take it anymore. I'm not looking for another relationship but, I am looking to repair my relationship with myself. I feel like if we had stayed apart last year, I might not be so sad by now...
Once again, we have agreed to split but, he won't leave. He keeps finding excuses why he can't leave. He's sleeping on the couch and I told him the other day that he needs to set a goal and stick to it. He tried to say it might be a year...I told him HELL NO! He says he will be out by the end of October....I'll bet if he's not...I WILL BE! Alright done with the bitch-fest for the evening.
